The Intrepid Tales of Cornwall

WARNING: What follows is a very detailed account of the 5 days I spent in Cornwall. Due to the fact that it was the best weekend of my life so far, this narration is long and it had to be so. For those who are waiting for tales of Ukraine.. wait a little longer.


Thursday 24, March – It all began on a bright English afternoon. The sun, having made an appearance that day, warmed not only our bodies but our minds as we set off to one of the most beautiful regions of the British Isles – Cornwall. I arrived at the train station a bit late as usual but this was not a problem as my escort also has a chronic time-keeping disease, in that he doesn’t keep it very well either. Eventually Darren and I met up and headed to his house as he still needed to pack and do some errands there. As I was washing his dirty dishes (yes he put me to work right away, the limey bastard!) he went to go pick up his friend Ella. I had finished my chore and was reading a bit of Tom Robbins novel when they drove up. Ella and I met and hit it off. She’s also an avid reader and had a book thicker than my arm (and that’s saying a lot considering my chubby arms) that she was working on, a fantasy novel to boot! I was quite impressed. Apparently this Darren chap attracts some good people around him, if I do say so myself. ;)

We finally loaded up the car and started off on the grand road trip across the southwest. It took about 6 hours to get to Cornwall, two of which consisted of just getting out of the London area! Having left later than we planned, we arrived closer to 1 a.m. However that was all well and good as almost everyone was still sitting up, chatting and smoking when we three arrived on the scene. First stop on our tour was at Si and Laura’s home in Chacewater, a little village between Truro (setting of the Poldark Saga and where Laura works) and Perranporth (our final destination). The wearied travellers (us) were very warmly welcomed by our gracious hosts (Si and Laura). There we met up with more of Daz’s mates. Mark and his mate Chuck came from Portsmouth for this occasion. They were still awake, mostly, when we arrived. Dave and Fliss drove in from Oxford and had already retired for the night. So we few stayed up for a bit longer and chatted, then we all found places to rest and said good night.

Friday, 25 March – Next morning most of us woke to the sound of the telephone, ringing and ringing and ringing. Unfortunately for the caller no one was awake enough to pick it up. It was more friends freshly arriving from London, Emma and Andy. Undeterred by the lack of oral communication they made their way to the sleeping home. Luckily by that time Darren had enough cognizance to answer the door when it began to cry out the presence of visitors to the inhabitants of the house. After some minutes and a few rounds of tea and coffee the rest of the house awoke and started the day. We enjoyed a rather strange (to me) but apparently usual British breakfast (they really don’t know what a breakfast should be as will be shown later) consisting of scrambled eggs on a roll with ketchup and a slice of European style bacon – not the thin crisp strips as in the States but a more rounded thicker sausage like slice. Dave was kind enough, and more awake than the rest of us, to prepare our excellent meal.

Afterwards we all got ready and headed to the beach(es). We first went to Portreath and checked out the waves there. At this point yet another mate of Daz’s showed up, a gentleman called Taz (no resemblance to the animated devil from down under). The waves weren’t fabulous however so we then headed to Porthtowan. There Mark and Chuck braved the winterish waters and surfed for a good few hours. Everyone else watched them from the increasingly warm beach. We all took it easy and let the day progress like the tortoise in the well-known tale, slow and steady, eventually coming to the finish line. Some sketched, Ella, others soaked up the sun, Emma and Andy, and Dave gave a soundtrack to the day with his guitar. Fliss, Laura and I went for a walk along the rocky sea cliff, I without shoes having already done the inevitable upon seeing the massive amount of naturally occurring water (a novelty of Coloradanites) and walked straight into the ocean, socks, shoes, jeans and all! We found a wonderful place to watch the tide come in. A rough man-made pool hugged the cliff side, a rougher man-made staircase lead down to it. For a long time I sat on a rock off the path hypnotized by the waves and the sounds of the ocean.

Eventually Laura, Fliss and I returned to the group. We were all coming and going, resting and exploring and just generally relaxing. It was a brilliant day! I had a real Cornwall pasty (pastry with steak filling, very traditional and very delicious) and amazing Cornish cream ice cream. After a while we loaded back into the cars, collecting the not-so-conquering heroes of the waves, and caravanned it up to our hostel in Perranporth. We tried to get there in time to watch the sun set over the beach. We arrived, unloaded our gear, sorted out rooms and what not, met some more people – Chris, Si’s brother, and his girlfriend Helene joined us all the way from Birmingham and France respectively. Finally we were all sorted and headed down to the pub on the beach, The Watering Hole. They had some amazing fajitas, the first real semblance of Mexican cuisine I had since my brief sojourn in Scotland. Darren got monk fish curry and I tried a bit of it, quite nice I must say for being fish. The last of the party showed halfway through dinner with the arrival of Matt and Scott. They had driven down from Brighton, though Matt had come first from Belfast. They completed our merry circle and after eating, drinking and being… well… merry we at last closed the bar down and were kicked out. Heading back up the massive hill to the hostel was not terribly fun but obviously necessary. Thus ended Good Friday with good food and even better company.

Saturday, 26 March – [from Journal] Got up around 9ish and finally got everyone up and ready. Went to Perranporth town and had breakfast. I had a traditional English breakfast. It’s alright but I still prefer the IHOP or Le Peeps. Then Darren, Matt and I went to a few shops, while the others split up. Some went straight to the beach to power-kite or sunbathe. Dave disappeared for a while (to go paragliding) and Mark and Chuck went straight back into the ocean. Matt and Daz bought winter wet suits and I bought a cool wallet. Then we three went to go hire (rent) boards. I hired one as well and a wet suit. We headed to the ocean, Daz gave me a bit of instruction and we were off. I was in the water fighting against the waves to go farther in and occasionally trying to jump on my board and ride a wave or two. I did manage it a few times for about 2-4 seconds. But it was great fun just to be out there. I was out for two hours, came back in to shore for a break then went out again. After another hour or so the gang headed to a fish and chips shop and Daz, Matt and I changed and met them there. I had haddock and chips. Then we went back to the hostel and got cleaned up to go out to the pub to celebrate Darren’s birthday properly.

When we arrived at the Watering Hole it was already pretty packed due to a surfing competition buffet celebration. We all managed to squeeze into one corner of the pub and order drinks. I chatted to Ella and Emma for a while, had a shot or two along with Daz (for his birthday). Then the band started, this time it was a different band and they were awesome! Darren and I spent most of the night up by the dance floor listening and dancing and drinking. At one point I went to the toilets (restroom) and as I was walking back up the hallway to the stage area, it was like walking through the mists of Avalon to get back to the dance floor. The entire bar/stage area was completely and utterly enveloped in smoke, which contrasted with the pure white hallway I was coming down. It was and awesome and interesting sight. Anyways after a while the surfing competition gang broke up and left, so our crew went in and seized upon their leftover buffet. Someone had to… After a while longer we too had to leave due to closing time.

Walking back to the hostel Daz and I were trailing behind everyone like usual when suddenly Matt came up to us. He made like he was going to tell Darren something when he just ran up and grabbed him! The rest of the boys came over and started to wrestle and tickle him, it was awesome fun! Darren was laughing hysterically (some say like a hyena) and Ella got it all on film. [Keep an eye out for photos of the incident]. Then the boys dragged him a little ways down the beach and tossed him into the water! Fully clothed with camera and mobile (cell phone) still in his pockets, nothing was broken luckily. Oh and they also tossed him into the air for a bit too. Completing the “pick on Daz” portion of the evening we made the hike back up to the hostel again.

We made it back into the hostel and he went to go change out of his wet clothes. Some went to bed, others stayed up including myself when we noticed Darren hadn’t been seen in quite some time… so we went to investigate. Matt heard him snoring in one of the toilets (bathrooms). Si managed to unlock the door from the outside and Laura, Si, Chris and I tried to get Darren out onto the couch in the communal living room and drinking water. We finally managed it and by about 4am he was sleeping soundly and we all headed to bed ourselves.

Sunday, 27 March – It totally slipped my mind (hungover as it was) that it was Easter Sunday. After a slow start for all, we got dressed, cleaned and ready. I finally got a hot shower (didn’t have hot water the day before)! We went to town and had breakfast. Darren went with the ol’ English traditional and I went for something less greasy and more appetizing.

The day, like our moods, started out gloomy. So we all went separate ways for a while. Darren, Ella and I went and took pictures of scenery. Taz, Emma, Andy and Matt went power-kiting again. Eventually we three joined up with them and enjoyed power-kiting ourselves. I had a great time and was fairly good. Emma yelled out to Darren “Your girlfriend’s better than you!” and it was true for the moment. But he eventually got the hang of it with Matt’s big boy kite – a 4.5 metre I think. Emma made it look like a dance, she was so graceful and smooth. I’m jealous and now want a kite of my own. [Hint for Christmas/Birthday presents.] Anyways when the wind died we went to find lunch.
Emma, Andy, Daz and I walked through Perranporth. We stopped in a few shops and I bought an incredibly cool jumper (sweater)! We also got some really tasty Mexican chicken wraps and then went to get Cornish cream tea. (That’s tea with tea cakes and Cornish cream with jam. [The tea is normal tea, but then you put jam on the cakes and top it off with thick and delicious cream.]) I could feel my arteries closing up as I munched on the cakes – it was so good!
We went back to the hostel and gathered our bags. Loaded the cars and went back to Si and Laura’s (in Chacewater village). Half the gang – Dave, Si, Laura, Fliss, Ella, Chris and Helene – were already there. Matt, Daz, Emma, Andy and I joined up later. Mark and Chuck had to leave earlier that day back to Portsmouth. Taz also took off to meet his girlfriend in another part of Cornwall. Emma and Andy left shortly after arriving in Chacewater, they were heading back to London and wanted to avoid holiday traffic. Dave and Fliss headed out as well back to London and Oxford respectively but not in that order. [Got all that? Good. ;)] After a few slow drinks we remaining went to the village shop – open later than any place I know in London, a whopping 10pm – we got frozen pizzas and added some toppings. Well Matt did, we all just sat around. We played rizzlers, a game with cigarette rolling paper. Then after some more drinks and chatting everyone went to bed.

Monday, 28 March – We rushed this day to get in some last minute surfing before heading home. Chris and Helene left back to Birmingham and it was just Si, Laura, Ella, Matt, Daz and I left. We went to Portreath but again no waves, then on to Porthtowan. Where Matt, Daz and I donned some suits, grabbed some boards and went out. I stayed in for all of about 20 minutes. The waves kicked my ass. I couldn’t even get out as far as I had the time before. So instead I decided I’d best just take pictures. Matt and Darren lasted the full hour we had. Then we loaded up again for the last time from Si and Laura’s and headed to Bristol, where Matt had a flight back to Belfast.

Matt drove to make sure he’d make it in time for his flight, of course we started out later than expected… though we did get there in plenty of time. Dropping off Matt, Darren took the wheel and off we went to London. I slept a bit in the car, exhausted as I was from everything. We dropped off Ella in Clapham [part of Greater London] and with a perusal of the map, Darren and I went to Birkbeck [another party of Greater London] were I was staying with Emma. We made it there about midnight after getting turned around a bit. Daz and I said goodnight, I woke up Matt (Emma’s boyfriend) and he let me in the house. Then Darren took off, again with no real idea how to get home, but he made it there eventually at about 1am. And so the weekend of fun ended.