Chapter 7 – Metro vs. Tube – Mind the Gap

It’s now time for some general observations about the differences between Kharkov and London. The most interesting thing (for this particular observer at least) has to do with the differences between the London Underground, a.k.a. the Tube and the Kharkov Metropolitan. Allow me to enumerate them for you now:

1. Barriers – As my recent visitor, Darren pointed out, the barriers to get to the trains are a bit bizarre here. London = barriers are closed and open only when you slide your ticket through the machine or place your Oyster card to the pad. Ukraine = barriers are open, but if you try to pass through them with without using a token or card the invisible hand of big brother pops out of the sides and stops you, usually fairly painfully.
2. Escalators – Probably one of the harder adjustments. London = usually fairly shallow and fast moving. Stand on the right, move on the left is standard procedure. Ukraine = super long (like descending into the seventh layer of hell…) and painfully slow (like a geriatric parade). Stand left, right and everywhere in between. Rarely does anyone try to get ahead of the game by walking up or down. I believe it’s a lesson in the Slavic view of life – why try to get ahead? You’re all going to the same place.
3. Bottlenecking – Another fun example of the Soviet experience of queuing. London = during rush hour all escalators are open for business to try and alleviate congestion and get everyone to where they need to be quickly. Ukraine = anytime day or night, one escalator up and one down. Therefore when a train arrives, everyone and their mother (quite literally) moves in a mass mob to the one functioning escalator and creates a fun bottleneck experience. I call it the daily shuffle, as you have to shuffle your feet for about 5 minutes in order to get on the escalator which will take another 5 minutes to bring you to the surface.
4. Directions on the walls – How do you know where you’re going? London = almost everyone has the inevitable Tube map, very handy for those rare journeys out of central London (Zone 1). On the wall opposite the platform is also an eye-catching vertical diagram of all the stations on that line going the direction the train is heading. Ukraine = no such thing as handy little maps. You must get on and ride until you find yourself or until the end of the line, whichever comes first (usually the end of the line). On the walls there are simple, plain horizontal signs for each station after the station you are at. Luckily you always know from which direction the train will come, as in between these signs little arrows show you (usually to the left, as you stand on the platform).
5. Inside the carriage – Surfing the rails vs. reading the paper. London = Just about everyone in London reads something on the Tube. Either the free Metro daily or a book. This most likely explains the higher literacy rate among the British as compared with their SUV-gas-guzzling-car-loving-anti-public-transport counterparts across the pond. The carriages are smaller and filled with differentiated seats; polls and bars are scattered about to hold on to during the journey. Plus, for added convenience, more maps of that particular line and of all central London tube routes are placed throughout the carriage, every two-three feet apart. Ukraine = two parallel horizontal bars only, placed above the long bucket seats, where big-boned babushki squeeze into place creating nine seats where normally only eight butts should be. No one reads very often, preferring to stare blankly and depressingly at the void between their mind’s eye and life. Having no poles to hang on to, everyone has the ability to free-stand using their knees as shock absorbers and shift their feet so as to not fall over. It is rather like surfing (now that I have that experience under my belt) in that it’s a interesting challenge, especially when there is a newbie driver who hasn’t yet mastered the art of slow starting and stopping. The convenient maps spotted in London do not exist in Ukraine. You may be lucky to find one makeshift printed version of a map just above the doors on the carriage, but first you must sort through the billions and billions (said with Carl Sagan like emphasis) of advertisements.
6. Clocks – “Time is merely an expedient of the mind…” London = being of the Western time-consumed culture that Britons are, the London Underground caters to their need to know when the next train arrives. Having not just clocks with the current time but signs denoting the next train’s arrival and to which station it will eventually end its journey. Ukraine = of course they too have large clocks to inform its patrons of the correct time as well as the times of the trains. However wishing to retain its otherworldly air (neither East nor West), their time keeping of the trains counts backwards – from the time the last train left the station. This way, after taking the 5-minute escalator ride to the platform (making sure not to rush) you can discover by just how many seconds you missed the last train. “What?! Ten seconds ago… shit! Oh well I’m sure the next train will come in about… so many minutes… better practice staring into space now.”
7. Leaving the station – The end is nigh! London = bad point about being one of the biggest cities in Europe is that you have a lot of options in the way of directions to take. “I’ll meet you at the exit of Tottenham Court Road tube station.” “The one next to Borders Books?” “No, next to Virgin Records.” “On Tottenham Court Road?” “Nope, on Charing Cross Road.” “Oh right, see you there! (Maybe.)” Ukraine = I have to say the Communists knew how to simplify things. One entrance/exit to each metro station, two platforms, one for each direction and that’s it. Standardization does sometimes have its perks. “Meet you at Sovietskaya metro.” “Where?” “Right there.” “Ok.”
   

Bet you didn’t think that one little piece of everyday life, like commuting, could be worth such intense reflection. Perhaps I need to find some more friends… or maybe try riding the bus more often.